ALBUM RECOMMENDATION (Digital Daggers – Close your eyes)

I found out about this band thanks to a youtube recommendation of their lyric video for the song The Devil Within and I liked it straight away. Later, I started to notice that a lot of people were using this song for tribute videos of horror movies like Carrie’s 2013 remake or MTV’s Scream show, probably because the lyrics fit perfectly in with such a villainous theme and its whole imagery. Even I used the song for a tribute video I made myself for the movie The Witch. The truth is that the entire album, mostly composed by electronic pop/rocker mid-tempos, denotes a clear atmospheric and mysterious aura, not only in the lyrics but also in terms of sound, without stopping to be satisfactorily catchy and harmonic at the same time. The singer possesses a stunningly beautiful voice. It has not an extremely recognizable tone, though, but sounds very strong and present in the whole recording of the main vocals and the backing ones as well. Generally speaking, the songs are all pretty similar, so that could be considered a contra, but if you really like this type of music, you will undoubtedly enjoy all of them equally. So sad they have no music videos for any of the songs or, at least, I haven’t found them on youtube, but I highly recommend the lyric videos, which are all very cool.

Favorite songs: The Devil Within, Can’t Sleep, Can’t Breathe, Still Here, Where The Lonely Ones Roam, Bad Intentions, and Come Crashing. 

A.I. ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE TRIBUTE

I went to see this Spielberg’s film twice at the theater when it came out, back in what I consider the happiest years of my childhood, right before beginning high school. I would go to the movies every weekend with my family and friends and had a real blast. I have great memories of watching movies such as Heartbreakers, Scream 3, Urban Legends: Final Cut, The Cell, Scary Movie, and Hollow Man, among many others. Probably not the films that would make it on my top list right now, but good enough for me back then to make me wish I could get to do similar ones in the future. I would dream about becoming a film director and making it out of my hometown someday, so then maybe I could get recognition as an artist, maybe I could be the writer of my own story and make a difference, in contrast to the people around me, who I perceived were mostly interested in football and raising a family.

As a person who felt like an outsider most of the time, I remember being deeply and emotionally touched by the story of the main character of this movie. I hadn’t found out about my sexuality back then yet and less so was I aware of having schizophrenia, but I guess that’s what made me relate so much to the protagonist. An almost human-looking robot kid living in a world where androids are being hunted down by mankind. He’s too artificial for humans and even finding sympathy in his own kind, he feels different. I’ve never had any self-judgments about being gay, I had to hide my sexual orientation only because I was bullied in a very small town, and yet not being able to remain out of the closet was almost killing me on the inside because I really needed the explore that part of myself. But having schizophrenia is a completely different thing. There’s so much stigma and lack of knowledge that it gets scary sometimes. When I had my first episode I never thought I could naturally speak about it like I do now cause I didn’t even know what the illness was exactly so, despite the whole self-acceptance work that I’ve been doing during the last few years, being labeled as both gay and schizophrenic makes me feel like I’m wandering no man’s land sometimes, in a world where being human is seemingly the less important category to be labeled as.

But getting back again to other specifics of the movie, what I really liked about it and still do now as well is the cinematography and the artistic direction. The cinematographer, who’s worked in most of Spielberg’s films, has made a great job with the use of light and color, in order to create extremely beautiful frames that accompany the characters in their emotional journey. Another great aspect to mention is the excellent music made by John Williams, which was nominated for the Oscars in the best original score category. So delicate and epic at the same time. Generally speaking, the whole movie denotes a very strong feeling of melancholia, so that’s why I chose the song Nothing Pure In Me to accompany the video tribute, cause it reminiscences its spirit a lot.

THESIS

To me, this movie is clearly a critic of the human race that, as opposed to the machines, is capable by nature of such cruelty and harm they almost deserve extinction. The whole movie navigates this idea that the androids are purer and less toxic than humans.

ROBOTS ARE PURER THAN MANKIND.

NOTHING PURE IN ME

There’s nothing pure in me

I can’t think of anything

But you’re my everything

And that’s the purest thing in me

Songwriting

I don’t exactly know how the idea behind this song was conceived. I vaguely remember that I wrote the verse in Spanish first and left it piled among a thousand other ideas without getting any further developing, a chaotic mix of words that would end up written down on pieces of paper trying to make sense in vain. That was in 2010 and just one year had passed since I had gone through my first psychotic episode, so it was not a very happy moment in my life. I would usually get drunk alone at a very small and gloomy apartment while I was supposed to be attending classes at the cinema school. All I could think about was music but I was not fully conscious, I just felt impotent on my skin, so I would simply abandon myself into resignation as though no other thing could get me a sight of relief.

Fortunately, years later I changed direction and decided to give making music a try and that was one of the first and most important steps in the scaling of my healing process. Little by little, all those disordered ideas started to make sense and I found opportunities where others would only see a dead end. I quit smoking and my voice started to become powerful. I discarded everything or everyone that would not support me in following my dreams or allowing me to advance in my journey, getting rid of the burden of envy and ignorance. I had to lose it all but I found my peace in return. Because that’s what this song is about. That is who I am.

This song is about the loss of willingness. But what is willingness, anyway? The way I see it, sometimes people confuse having willingness with keeping on going no matter whether other people get hurt along the way. I think it is important for us to acknowledge that our actions affect our mental health inevitably because we are in this together. Nothing pure in me means, ironically, I’m nothing without you, but just like the last line of the lyrics says: “That’s the purest thing in me”. I’d rather hurt myself, metaphorically, than be ruthless and act like everyone else, desperate to trample on each other. Nothing pure in me is about knowing that being sensitive and vulnerable does not equate to weakness. It makes you feel things deeper, it makes you feel alive. Knowing that having principles and ethics does not necessarily mean being unrealistic but, actually, quite the opposite. It denotes emotional intelligence. And above all, knowing that being kind does not make you a fool, it turns you into a better human being. Kindness is the new wisdom.

Production

I knew the instrumentation for this song needed to be minimalist and delicate and that’s how the idea of the piano as the main conductor came to me. Those notes mimicking the melody of the verse along the song are like sharpened touches of sound that almost feel like ice or snow. I really like the concept and progression of the chords in this song. For the bridge and the chorus, I was highly inspired by the score of the Pan’s Labyrinth movie, an instrumental music piece called Lullaby, which is stunningly beautiful and shares this delicateness with my song. I’m very proud of the vocals too, except for the falsetto in the last note of the song and the “when I’m stuck down THERE” line that gets united with the following one, lyrically speaking. Aside from that, I think that these may be one of the best vocals I’ve ever recorded for a song. 

 

ALBUM RECOMMENDATION – (Ainhoa – Mi Tiempo Roto)

As I explained in one of the first posts I wrote for this blog, the Spanish singer Ainhoa, who won an important reality talent show back in 2003, is one of the main reasons why I started to become interested, not only in being a singer and having that unconscious desire in my heart but in writing songs and learning more about the whole creative process behind the making of an album. I admire her not only as a singer but also as the amazing songwriter she is. If I had to choose a limited number of songs for the soundtrack of my life, probably some of hers such as Lo Bueno Queda, A veces, and No Hay Lugar would end up being included in there. So, despite the fact that the album Mi Tiempo Roto contains only 3 of her compositions since it was made under the impositions of a record company that wouldn’t allow her to add more of her original songs, I’m still going to recommend it for it’s one of my favorites due to a significant variety of reasons. First of all and following the entire writing aspect, the lyrics of this album are amazing. She only wrote 3 original songs but she adapted from English the rest of them except for one, Cristales Rotos, which was specifically written in Spanish, so despite the fact that Ainhoa didn’t actively participate in the creation of the melodies, it is noticeable that her imprint in the messages of the lyrics is still very present. This album is really vindictive and has a lot of social criticism, which I personally enjoy very much in music. You can find anthems against homophobia or domestic violence in songs like Cuando Existe El Amor and Dame Una Razón respectively. There’s also a song about trash TV and some odes to the passing of time and certain nostalgia feeling for childhood, filled with positive and even philosophical messages about fighting for your dreams and believing that everything happens for a reason. Musically speaking, the album is very rocker and has lots of guitar solos accompanying the rather pop melodies that somehow remind a little of a combination of The Cranberries and Avril Lavigne; and Ainhoa’s voice sounds much better than in the album she recorded previously so, generally speaking, I think that this is not only one of her best albums but one of the best well-crafted productions in the Spanish rocker female scene of that time.

Favorite songs: Tengo que Aprender, Mi Oportunidad, Siempre Amanece, Cuando Existe El Amor, A veces, Cristales Rotos, and En Silencio.

BIG FISH Tribute

I remember having mixed feelings and thoughts about this movie when I first watched it. I had seen other Tim Burton films before such as Beetlejuice or Edward Scissorhands, so I was familiar with that peculiar gothic aesthetic and imprint on his works, but I wasn’t expecting it to be mixed with other rather realistic and dramatic scenes, which gave the movie a deeper and more serious tone that wasn’t usually so present in other of his films so, despite liking the movie in general terms, especially the fantasy parts, I could not really appreciate that duality in the universe of the movie. Later, when I watched it again for a project for the cinema school, I enjoyed it much more and understood that is actually this unusual combination of fiction and fact that makes this particular piece of art so unique.

Based on Daniel Wallace’s novel, the script navigates through the past and present with two apparently diverged points of view represented by the relationship between a father and his son. On one hand, the father seems to have created a world full of fantasy in order to escape the illness that is consuming his last days on the earth; on the other hand, the son is not capable of believing his father’s stories and holds resentment against him because of this, and, as the narrative goes on, we learn that they both need to acknowledge something from each other.

The story is presented like a collection of tales that is a tale in itself. These little tales, which represent the father’s point of view, are greatly recreated thanks to the distinctive Tim Burton’s touch and his creativity and capacity of forming unique images and aesthetics. The job done by the artistic direction department is amazing here. I personally love the part with the haunted woods and the giant spiders. But, once again, the dramatic and realistic scenes, representing the son’s perspective, are needed in order to create that contrast and antithesis. An especial mention should be made to the performances given by the actors in their respective roles. I particularly enjoyed the bathtub scene a lot with Jessica Lange and Albert Finney’s wonderful portrayals of their characters.

No other song that A Movie Called Life could have fit in better with the images of this movie. Even the title makes honors the thesis and the ending of the film. It seemed appropriate to me that, although some parts of the lyrics are very personal and specific about my life, the childish and naive spirit of the melody would adequately match the themes and metaphors of Big Fish frames.

THESIS

It is clear to me that the main message of the movie is about not creating walls that limit our knowledge about reality and this is validated in the ending scene when we learn that all the stories that the father used to tell his son were actually true. It’s about letting go and believing everything is possible. It’s a beautiful metaphor standing for the infinite possibilities that storytelling and art can give us as a way of mirroring ourselves. There is more than meets the eye and we have a long way to go still.

REALITY CAN BE STRANGER THAN FICTION.

A Movie Called Life

 “I’ve been waiting for so long that my innocence has now become a good reason to fight for this world”

The idea of worlds within worlds has always fascinated me. I don’t know why exactly but it’s something that has captivated me ever since I was a child. This idea can also be applied to the concept of movies and the magic behind the process of making them. That blurry line that gets hard to distinguish between fact and fiction and the infinite possibilities that this offers as a cathartic mirror. The movie within a movie topic not only remains one of my favorites today still but connects deeply with my philosophy and understanding of living. Life is like a beautiful big movie and we are all the protagonists of our own story.

SONGWRITING

Based on this idealized belief, I decided to write a song about my particular experience in how I’ve always perceived and decoded the world around me. A song that would tell the story of my life from a rather naive and innocent perspective, but showing still all the baggage and learning behind each lesson in the journey.

Both melody and lyrics were highly inspired by the song American Pie, which has a similar structure in terms of story-telling. In the lyrics of my song, I speak about my childhood in the first verse and then about my teenage years in the second one, emphasizing the change I experienced when I found out I was gay and how this affected me negatively because of all the bullying situation in high school, going from a happy state into a darker one overnight. Then, the bridges are self-references about my fears and flaws, but also about my strengths and hopes. The choruses are meant to be contradictory and ironic, just like life in itself, and, finally, there’s kind of an epilogue, or an outro, summarizing the spirit and message of the song: never give up on fighting because this life is worth living.

I’m surprised by how positive and happy, even childish. the melody ended up being. That’s not usually me! When I start humming a melody, in order to create a song, this tends to be melancholic and sad, but for this particular song, the melody was very joyful. I don’t really know why that happened, I think I was forcing myself a little to do something different or there might even exist a part of me that is happier than I’ve always thought, who knows! Either way, it remains one of my favorite songs as a songwriter, precisely for being different than usual, and, hopefully, maybe I get to write more positive songs in the future.

PRODUCTION

Little changes were made in the production for this song since it’s meant to have rather acoustic and minimalist instrumentation. Still, the demo was simpler and the producer added new textures and arpeggios that gave the song the character it needed. What I really like about the production, in this case, is the vocals we recorded. Four months had passed since I quit smoking and this was getting noticeable, not only for my voice but for my self-esteem. I’d say that these are some of the best vocals I’ve ever recorded and one of the best productions from that era. Definitely one of my favorite songs from the album The Ascending, both as production and composition.

Enough is enough

This needs to stop. People need to stop believing that a small amount of hurting is ok since everyone should be capable of bearing it by themselves. People need to stop trying to manipulate those supposedly considered weaker for no other reason than being different than this majority that gathers against them. People need to start taking responsibility for their acts of disrespect and accept that there are consequences for them.

Eye for an eye and every man for himself. This just needs to stop. The subject matter here is not about each person’s capacity of enduring inflicted pain or past trauma, but their strength to embrace it and be kinder to the other people around. I’m just sick of people saying that craziness starts mainly with everyone’s inner conflicts and not with the bad influence they’ve been exposed to. We are not supposed to be strong enough to take other people’s shit, we are supposed to break and cry and wonder why this happens. Why do we keep on hurting each other knowing that it’s wrong? Why can’t we just try harder to avoid other people’s suffering? Why are we so blind to not see that this affects us all inevitably?

This is not an individual issue, it is communitarian. 

SHOW ME THE WAY - Gretel and Hansel Tribute

I wrote, recorded, and produced this song specifically for this tribute video. I watched the movie on a rainy day back in April this year, during the whole covid19 quarantine situation here in Spain, and I really enjoyed watching it so I decided that, as an experiment, I would write a song related only to the story and the characters of the film, a song written with the only purpose of making this tribute video and trying a different songwriting method. 

I started composing the introductory arpeggio with the guitar and then continued the rest with the DAW on my computer. I created the instrumental track first and later added the melody and the lyrics. As a curious fact about this different way of making the song, I could mention that I don't actually know the chords I used for the chorus, since I wrote the arpeggio of that part trying something completely different, and I wanted to use different chords than the ones I'm used to adding in most of my songs. I usually play G and D for the choruses in my songs, so this time I randomly started to write different notes in the arpeggio and tried to make them fit in with the rest of the parts. 

As a result, the chorus does not have the same entity as in some of my other songs, when the notes and the voice go higher, but I still like the fact that is more distinctive than usual and maybe it's not always necessary to make the voice and the melody go higher in order to create a powerful chorus. Sometimes less is more. And even though I may consider the song a little repetitive from a structure perspective, I still like the mystic atmosphere that's imprinted in the singing melody and I really enjoyed trying something different this time.

LYRICS

I will find a way

I'm gonna make it out of here someday

I'll make my own way

I'm gonna change the end of this fairy tale

I'm gonna say no prayers, I'm gonna play no games

I'm gonna pay no sins, I'm gonna feel no shame

I'll show you the way

I'm gonna find a way to make you stay

Once upon a time in a world full of pain

I will show you the way, I will show you I care

I will show you the way

Once upon a time in a world full of pain

I will show you the way, I will show you I care

I will show you the way

I'm gonna say no prayers, I'm gonna play no games

I'm gonna pay no sins, I'm gonna feel no shame

I'll show you the way

I'm gonna find a way to make you stay

Once upon a time in a world full of pain

I will show you the way, I will show you I care

I will show you the way

Once upon a time in a world full of pain

I will show you the way, I will show you I care

I will show you the way

LOST IN THE DARK

I feel like I’m trapped in between two worlds, the world we all know and conceive as the real one and a whole different dimension that remains unknown to our senses but yet we all perceive. I don’t know what exactly led me to walk this uncertain path but I do know how I got here… and it was all in me, ever since the beginning I felt something different about reality as if something was off and I couldn’t do anything but to wait and be taken wherever this so-called perception would want to. 

But even without knowing anything about what following this path would mean, I chose to stay in it for a simple reason: I loathed reality and, especially, the people in it. And this hasn’t changed for a single day of my life. It’s not that I want everything to be perfect in some unrealistic way but still can’t help feeling threatened by this lack of empathy we’ve been experiencing until today as a human race. Too much violence and obliviousness about it. I feel as though we had failed. I’d like to believe that something can be done about it or that, maybe, this is part of the evolution process.

Maybe we need to learn to dance in the dark, maybe we need to get lost in order to be found. It’s hard to tell feeling this numbness and pain in my heart. Yet I refuse to keep on blaming myself for other people’s behavior cause no one’s capable of carrying the weight of the whole world on their shoulders. If we all have the power of choice and we all can make the same mistakes, then maybe I should give myself a break from not being perfect. If I’ve been trapped in between two worlds for too long and it’s only up to me to differentiate one world from another I choose to do it. If I once was brave enough to choose to get lost in the dark I can be brave enough now to get out of it. 

THIS IS NOT THE END

This is not the end of me, not the end of who I am, of who I choose to be. This is not the end because I now know I can choose to be myself, cause I don’t need to be like you, or like them, I just wanna be me, the one who’s never given up though having been and walked through the worst of hells. 

The one who’s never hurt a soul on purpose and if has accidentally, is repented. The one who refuses any type of violence, whether it is the obvious one or the unnoticed. The one who knows that something is wrong with people who simply accept that nothing can be done about it. The one who actually believes that we have the power of changing the world with only the little details.

If my only crime has been caring about other people's emotions, I can live with that. If my biggest mistake is believing that everything is possible, you can call me crazy. If being myself is what I do wrong, then I would rather not be right. 

They say fear is the opposite of love. They say craziness is the fear of ourselves. They say we are all different and equal at the same time.

This is not the end of me, this is the beginning. 

The best is yet to come.

I believe in myself.

ALBUM RECOMMENDATION (Garbage - Strange Little Birds)

If The Cranberries were my teenage years, I’d say that the band that is currently taking most of my listening to music time is Garbage. I was already a big fan before but it’s now that I am becoming more selective that I can really appreciate their music better. I love their electronic sound and I think that Shirley’s voice is proof that there’s no need to possess a big vocal range or an extremely powerful voice to make it sound beautiful and full of emotion at the same time. I love how her voice sounds when it’s whispered, she’s great at doing that! I also love the spirit of their songwriting, a little pessimistic and generally dark but it is understood that it has to be this way in order to prove that, as they say, it’s always darkest right before the down, and this is what makes it so realistic and full of truth indeed or, at least, It feels much more coherent to me this way. I think that the song Even Though Our Love Is Doomed describes pretty good this thing I’m trying to explain in their philosophy. Their last album, Strange Little Birds, is amazing and one of their best albums and contains some of my favorite songs of their entire career, such as Sometimes, Blackout, or Night Drive Loneliness, to name just a few. I would also like to recommend the song No Horses, which was individually released a year later than this album came out and which I have used to make one of my tribute videos, in this case for The Handmaid’s Tale, a tv show that has completely captivated me for its amazing cinematography and script.

Favorite songs: Sometimes, Blackout, Night Drive Loneliness, Even Though Our Love Is Doomed, So We Can Stay Alive, and Amends.