In the beginning, I’ll Be There For You was written with the intention of expressing the pain I was feeling when a guy I was in love with dumped me, so it was never conceived as a song about forgiveness or friendship. In fact, I wanted to do a vengeful song, but that was not coherent with my true feelings when I started writing, so I just let myself go and tried to be honest about what was really going on inside me.
Nothingness, that was the word that began everything. That sensation you have when nothing seems to satisfy you anymore. Nothing left to feel, nothing left to do, nothing left to expect in life. That’s how I constantly felt but, of course, there’s always something you can do to keep going, which in that case was writing the song, for example. During the songwriting process, the song went from speaking about that powerlessness I was feeling to finally expressing a determination to never stop in life, which is the main point of the song. Although I’m always speaking about myself in the song, I thought that I might apply some of that message to other people’s lives in the final part, and that’s why the song is called I’ll Be There For You. It’s a way of saying: “Ok, I’ve been through hell and I thought I wouldn’t make it but I survived, I’m still breathing, so now, my task and moral due is to help other people who might have been through similar situations to make their pain as bearable as possible and give them something to relate to, so that they don’t feel the same horrible way I did. I’ve been there and I’ll be there for you”
With such a message, I thought it would be interesting to shoot a video about bullying for the song. I have to say that, fortunately, I’ve never cut myself as you can see in the video, but I know there are a lot of people who do and it usually has something to do with that low self-esteem that people who are being bullied feel about themselves, so I thought it would be more effective if I showed it in the video. Aside from that detail, the rest of the video is literally my story: From spending hours locked in the bathroom listening to loud music in order to escape the bullying situation I went through, to finally taking my life over and building my future the way I really want, following my inner voice and refusing anything that keeps me from that.
I like the final result, taking into account that I shot it all by myself, but I must admit that I don’t like the final part of the video that much. I was running out of ideas for that part and since I didn’t write any script and I was shooting the video while the ideas were coming, some things are not perfectly tied. I must say, though, that I personally like the first part of the video when I’m in the bathroom. Taking the few means I disposed into consideration, I like the way I managed to use the light and create that dark aesthetic so, in the end, I think the video is not that bad.
More videos are to come. I have ideas for other songs, which will probably be The Difference and Game Over, mostly because I like how my voice sound in them. Maybe Straight In Circles Upside Down will get a video too. I’ll try to organize the ideas better next time.
For now, here’s the video for I’ll Be There For You.
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