“When everything seems just a lie
And you get lost into the night
When life becomes an uphill climb
That’s right when you have to try”
Faith in Chaos was an unconscious desire that became more and more feasible in my mind as I started to let go of the fear within. Fear of losing everything I had fought for before I suffered the psychotic break; fear of losing my family, my life in Barcelona, and, among everything, fear of losing my identity at any level, but… how can you lose something that you have already lost, something that has never belonged to you? How can you lose a life based on lies? How can you lose yourself when it’s you the one who needs to be found? You end up reaching a point in which you realize how you have been wrongly clinging to an illusion whose only valuables left are traces of a yesterday that was never as beautiful as you idealized. You realize how you need to start fighting for recovering yourself and your identity, about how you need to fight for bringing into light the inner voice that some other people have been trying to restrain.
After finishing my cinema studies, I knew I wanted to do something different. I had lots of disordered pieces of lyrics and melodies and my purpose was to learn more about how to produce music, in order to make some demos. Knowing I wouldn't manage well being in a class with a group of people since I had too many traumas from when I was bullied in high school, I decided to search on the Internet for music production private lessons. I didn’t really stop to look carefully because I just wanted to give it a try, so I randomly chose one of the options that appeared on the web, wrote an email to that person, and arranged an appointment. We met and I showed him the demo of a song that was called I’m here for you back then. He found it very interesting and a few days later he emailed me back saying that he thought it was a great song and that we should try to produce it professionally.
It was a matter of time to put in order the pieces of the puzzle.
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